The Constable's Tale

  By Exile

(With apologies to Gilbert & Sullivan)

 

I am a very model of a 1950’s Constable
Consistent, caring, impressive bearing, totally respectable
In black and white I kick the shite from the village disreputable
I am a very model of a 1950’s Constable

There’s one or two, of the village crew, where I’m especially vigilant
The ‘Dark Destroyer’, his own lawyer, bully, thief and violent
This psychopath incurs my wrath, he’s as clever as he’s truculent,
Oh Lord I pray he’ll swing one day, while there is capital punishment


Contrastingly there’s Baldrick, whose furtive habits bother me
Behind the mill, lurking, still, a sinister shadow by the ‘hat’ tree
(His case is sad, he’s not so bad as the big man from the Forestry)
If I get it right, he’ll get a fright, and do ‘time’ like the other three 

It’s my belief, our classic thief’s an incurable kleptomaniac
A snurgler and cat burglar, a police record like an almanac
A handsome, harmless, hopeless case, a grafter who doesn’t slack,
A likeable flawed genius, whose just gone off on the wrong track

When clearing pubs on Saturday nights I’m confident and competent
At PomPom’s  Bar, the rabble are belligerent and insolent 
At Alf Lindores, they close their doors, the clientele less impudent 
At 1262 I have one or two, with the restrained, refined, intelligent

My membership most secret of our very ancient fraternity
For advancement in the County, an essential, a necessity
It’s only fair being on the square to shroud ourselves in mystery
Metaphorically speaking I’m a pillar of society

 

COPYRIGHT – Calluna Publishing 2012