Isn't a' thing fine an' comfy noo?
There's even carpets in the loo
Bit sixty 'eer ago an mair
The watteries were sae caul' an'bare!
Nae fancy coloured toilet roll
Nae bonny pot - a timmer hole
Ye'd nae fin' ony carpet here
Some crackit waxcloth on the fleet.
A timmer sheddie six bi fower
Leanin'like the Eiffel Tower
An' cracks - far holwin' win' blew in
The reef a roostie sheet o' tin.
The W.C. - for Water Closet
Ye spent nae time on your deposit
For fegs there was nae comfort there
An' caul' on bits ye hid tae bare.
Foo Water Closet? That beat me
For ilka een wis dry ye see
The fancy pot a stable pail
I'll nae gang in tae mair detail.
Upon the wa' hung up wi' threed
"The Peoples Freen" wis there tae read
It had been torn up intae squares
So ye just sat there - an' said yer prayers.
The seat wis aften roch an' crackit
A files ye'd fine her hin' eyne hackit
Ye jerkit up yer drawers an' sark
Five meenits - ye were back at wark.
Bit noo-a-days they sit for ages
Hoastin' an turnin' ower the pages
A cosy place tae sit an' smoke
A saft seat - easy on the doke.
I dinna wint auld watteries back
Bit Lord be here, the time they tak
There maun be oors an' oors lost noo
Wi' gaein folk a comfy loo.
to Kate Gairns for this)