Stanley Risque Poems
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A Stanley conversation piece without equal.
By Exile
Frae
the bonniest land locked county that man has ever seen,
Came
the most outstanding member that there has ever been,
He’s
been described so many ways it leaves you in no doubt,
Wae
his prolific pyjama python, his turgid trouser trout,
His
‘nom de plume’ was fitting, his family jewels his treasure,
The
‘Cock o’ The North’ owr other men always had the measure,
What
a worthy baton of honour was this organ of destruction,
This
King Kong of the willy world, this elephantine erection,
Much
sought after by the lassies and envied by the men,
Frae
the Borders and the Lowlands through the Grampians tae the ‘Ben’,
Frae
The Mull o’ Kintyre tae the Firth o’ the Forth,
He
was simply referred to as the ‘Cock o’ The North’
This
magnificent marrow of burdensome weight,
Disadvantaged
his balance and affected his gait,
It
affected his hair and made him gang bald,
Sapped
the strength frae' his soul, and made him look auld,
He
exercised his proud puddin’ for a’ he was worth,
Well
was he referred tae as the ‘Cock o’ The North’,
It
saw action abroad, out in the Far East,
Whaur
Malayans and Chinese thought him a beast,
Gentle
Indian women thought him a God,
The
Kama Sutra was fun with this incredible rod,
An
anatomical oddity frae the day o’ his birth,
He
wore the crown easy as the ‘Cock o’ The North’,
The
Great Stanley Sausage was often debated,
This
appreciable appendage was ne'er under-rated,
Encouraged
in bar rooms, he'd pull it out of his pocket,
The
end of it looked like a five shilling rocket,
This
notorious nadger, the finest on earth,
Was
simply referred to as the 'Cock o' the North'.
When
he's drawn his last breath an he's lying at rest,
Inform
the undertaker the coffin must be the best,
Strong
joints made o' hardwood, long screws just in case,
His
mind starts tae wander an' a smile comes tae his face,
In
a state of arousal he would prise the lid off,
An
leave mourners transfixed to the 'Cock o' the North'
Copyright
Calluna Publishing 2003
